Birds invented music; flowers invented art.
In retrospect, you never had a chance. You didn’t have the resources. You didn’t have the tools. And as you feel yourself going under, you just want to sleep.
Self-loathing had almost cured him of hubris.
A world held together by duct tape and magical thinking.
The warm cascade of neurotransmitters he received from making false promises dwarfed the inevitable damage to its recipients. That may even have been some of its appeal.
Their rigorously maintained veneer of civility lasted 90 seconds into his birthday toast.
“We liked drinking together, but even more than that we liked drinking alone.”
Yeah, I get it, but I don’t really get it. If I did, I’d probably drop dead on the spot.
Why did we try so hard, why did we care? We never learned to play the game. We didn’t even know there was a game.
Passing Rockland Psych Center, saw dead dog on side of road.
Wept for next 38 miles.
Just when you think there’s nothing left, there it is again.
Woke up this morning and nearly wept at how lifelike everything was. Picked up a handful of dirt and just looked at it. I picked it up for you.
Every day I wake up to eternity. Tell me if I should keep writing,
Resolutions, born of regret, nightly, always betrayed the next day.
The possibility of something else entirely.
To be nothing. To be as nothing.
Sick with worry, half-mad with hope. Talking to an empty room. Help is on its way.
Courage when you have none
Endurance when you have none
Patience when you have none
Kindness when you have none
After his death many of his journal and notebook entries were found to have the notation “FE.” His final post, in its entirety, was “failed experiment.”
Maximum number of sounds heard simultaneously:
Because their abject suffering represented an affront to the fragile belief systems of those around them, they were held responsible for their own misfortune.
Yesterday: the temperature dropped to 97—the 42nd straight day it has topped 90 degrees.
Metropolitan Forecast: Intense heat and humidity will prevail once again across the region. Wednesday will continue hot and humid. Readings near 100 degrees. Thurs, same. Fri, same.
Horoscope: The best of all worlds may be offered to you soon
Shitting on a tablecloth, expecting it to sort itself into a menu and an eight course meal.
The Steiner-Rand hierarchy of acceptance
+3. Reverence
+2. Gratitude
+1. Acceptance
+0. Indifference
–1. Resignation
–2. Resentment
–3. Bitterness
You think 25 years from now is a distant land. It’s just down the street.
Standing at the back window, sipping coffee and watching the traffic light change colors in the rain. Your world is coming back to you. Soon it will all be too much—but for now you’re grateful.
